And now it’s Sandra Bullock

First Kate Winslet, now Sandra Bullock. These girls are pretty, fun to watch on the screen, but not too bright.

The People magazine article I looked at while standing in line at Borders Books (always a font of true information, I am sure!) showed pictures of Jesse James’ previous loves–all biker chicks. And the guy’s a biker himself, known for fooling around during his past marriages.

One of Sandra Bullock’s friends was quoted as saying she had a good “bull****detector” as they put it in people. Did she have it turned off when she got involved with this guy?

Now I have nothing against guys who drive motorcycles–both my husband and my son do that with regularity.

But I gotta say–if you know the guy has fooled around with regularity in the past, and he has a name famous for being what? Oh, yeah, an outlaw! how seriously would have you to lie to yourself to believe he’d be faithful to you now?

Reminds me of one of my relationships Do’s: Look at who you’re with, not who you wish you were with.

Does that mean people cannot change? No, of course they can. Practically speaking, past performance is the best predictor of what they will do in the future.

If you marry a drunk, don’t expect him to be sober cause he loves you. That’s blind faith. It’s a set up to disappointment.

Trust is another thing altogether–trust is knowing that the person’s going to do what they do until and unless they choose to do something different. Trusting a cheater is not believing he somehow will not do that any more cause he loves you. No, trusting a cheater is knowing he will cheat until he decides that doesn’t work anymore and he quits.

At this writing, Jesse has entered unspecified treatment, hoping to save his relationship. If drugs are involved in this behavior–and not knowing the parties involved personally, I am not in a position to say–then it’s possible that his behavior could change if he’s willing to look at what his current behavior is costing him and is willing to give it up.

His choice.

Now how’s a girl to protect herself? If she’s interested in finding out how she got into such a mess so as to avoid it in the future, then the tool I suggested in my last post (yesterday) is great for this: Ask, What did I know that I pretended not to know or denied that I knew?

And how might one know if someone’s telling you the truth? There’s a couple of easy ways.

One is to say out loud or even think, “Truth!” before you ask someone a question. This tool magically compels them to either tell the truth, or makes their lying so obvious everyone in the room will know it.

A second way to tell the truth from fabrication is to notice if it makes you feel heavy or light. If it’s heavy, it’s a lie; if it’s light, it’s true right now for this 10 seconds anyway. (What’s really true does have a way of changing with the wind, if you’re willing to notice.)

If you like the sound of these tools, if their questioning nature or simplicity and practicality appeal to you, you might check out classes offered by practitioners of Access Consciousness. Their facilitators worldwide offer classes which teach these tools and gazillions more. Check it out at

About Kacie Crisp

Dr. Kacie Crisp has been involved in facilitating others’ lives and bodies for her entire working life. As a therapist with emotionally disturbed children, chiropractor in the US and Findhorn spiritual community, and now as a licensed facilitator of Access Consciousness, her great joy is to watch clients expand their lives.

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