The Air New Zealand lounge here in the Auckland airport has provided me with all the latest celebrity gossip! Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, Brad and Angelina, how did we all get so lucky as to watch these soap opera lives unfolding?
What did Angelina Jolie do wrong? She didn’t do anything wrong–she is an infinite being as we all are, and everything we do contributes to greater consciousness if we’re willing to have it. Her actions on the red carpet at the Golden Globes give us all something to learn from, a way to apply the 6 Dos and 6 Don’ts to Create a Relationship that’s Easy and Fun.
In case you missed it in your personal perusal of the gossip mags, here’s what happened. The headline in the NZ mag Woman’s Day headlined the event: Brad Deserts Ange; On a Disappointing Night, the Actress was Left Stranded.
Here’s the “big event”: in front of world-wide cameras, Brad left Angie’s side and went to say hello to his friend David Duchovny (of X-files fame). The actress was left standing on the red carpet all alone. According to Woman’s Day she “floundered, shot him a furious look, and finally tapped him on the shoulder to remind him she was there.”
Shocking! Scandalous! How could he do that to her? What’s wrong with this picture?
Let’s look again at what happened–her husband went to greet his friend while TV cameras recorded it. If you went into a party and your wife or husband saw an old friend and went to greet him, would you throw a tantrum? What was she so angry about anyway? Brad’s failure to make her his top priority 24/7? His allowing her to appear on TV looking less than perfect. (Well, she still looked “positively regal” according to Woman’s Day, but having some air space between her and her husband apparently did not portray the image of the perfect couple that Angie requires to project 24/7.)
In my book The Little Black Book on Relationships, I include 6 things to do to make your relationship easy and fun, and 6 things not to do. I call them, curiously enough, 6 Dos and 6 Don’ts. Do # 1 is :remember everything your partner does is just an interesting point of view. What if Brad greeting his friend David Duchovny was no comment whatsoever on Angelina, but merely an expression of his caring for his friend? Following this “do” eliminates any argument along the lines of, “I can’t believe he/she did this TO ME!” It’s never TO YOU! What if it was always FOR HIM? Or FOR HER? That simple.
Radically different from the way things are seen all too frequently, but it’s the only basis on which a relationship can work that allows both individuals to be themselves. (Do you really desire anything else? What is the value of giving up yourself to be in relationship? Giving up yourself is a relationship don’t, by the way.)
If you give yourself up to be in relationship, is that really giving you what you’ve been looking for in relationship? Isn’t what people are looking for in relationship a place where they can truly be themselves. I’m home, I have a relationship, but I can’t be myself–what good is that?
If you react to what your partner does, if you take who they are personally, you are forcing them to choose between being themselves and being with you. Eventually they will leave you, either through divorce, choosing a debilitating or fatal disease, or some other way out.
Many women make the assumption that they are the center of the relationship and that men should make the sacrifice to meet their every whim. Clearly in this situation that included Angelina Jolie. There does seem to be a trend in our society for everyone to believe the man should give himself up totally for the woman. One person who takes exception to this is Gary Douglas, founder of Access Consciousness and best-selling author, who just conducted a seminar in Australia, called “The Gentleman’s Club.” This will soon be available for purchase from the Access Consciousness website. I urge all men who have any doubt that Brad had a right to greet his friend to consider purchasing this videotaped seminar as it can change your life. Here’s the link. My husband attended, and we already have a good relationship! He said much of what occurred he already knows–but all the other men who attended were “gobsmacked” with the new way of looking at relationships.
A single woman who observed some men who had completed the program noticed how soft and gentle the men became–when they were encouraged not to give up themselves, they could be more gentle with women and with themselves. Everything in my book encourages women AND men to be themselves in relationships–which also generates more ease for everyone.
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