After spending a week in a workshop in a beautiful Costa Rican rainforest setting, my husband and I were having a leisurely breakfast on the day before we headed out.
“So which women here would I like to have sex with?” he asked. The first two I guessed right away, since he hangs out with them, cuddles with them, and adores them anyway.
The third was a sleeper.
The fourth and fifth he would just like to fuck, he said, and that’s a story for another post.
Some women worry constantly about whether their husbands are faithful to them, often driving them to the very infidelity they so fear. Our points of view tend to reflect themselves in the reality we see around us.
Others perhaps are completely oblivious–like the wife of a Canadian military Colonel who had a secret life in which he’d married and raped many women, for which he was just sentenced to 25 years minimum. Asked why he confessed, he said he did it “for his wife, to make life easier.” The columnist reporting on this did describe her as a “most incurious woman.”
I may be just as distinctive–but then the whole point of this website is to offer people a different possibility in relationships, so they can create ones that might actually work and give them what they’re looking for. I see my husband’s openly flirting with these women as making my life better!
How can that be so? I told you, I’m different. My husband is hardly going to get past dancing and hugging right on the dance floor. He’s going to find his way home to me. And who gets the benefit of all his hot horniness? Just something to think about, ladies.
And what might it say about us that we have such a connection with each other that I already know who he lusts after?
I have heard of instances in which a man had an affair while on a business trip which actually enriched his life, renewed his sense of his own value, and reconnected him with his love for his wife. In this circumstance, he was honoring himself. And honoring his wife would be NOT telling her about the affair. Why tell someone something that would only cause upset?
I do not know anyone for whom this has actually happened. It is my observation that marriages which are “open” are actually on their way to breaking apart altogether. Very few people seem to be able to choose “just for me.” Most of the time it’s “just for me to get even with (him or her).”
For myself, I strongly suspect that if either of us had an affair, there is such a connection and communion (oneness) between us that I would be amazed if the other one of us didn’t know.
Isn’t that the connection that everyone is looking for? The biggest barrier to it, in my opinion, is the unwillingness of most people to hear what they don’t want to hear, what doesn’t fit their perfect picture, what’s true instead of what they imagine or wish to be true. If there’s is a true willingness to hear that–a aptitude for what could be called brutal honesty with oneself–then communication without barriers can occur. How many are willing to have and be that?
Some controversial comments in this post. What do you think and know and feel, those of you out there? We’d love to hear from you.
And just a reminder–if you’re looking for someone to have this kind of relationship with, you can participate in the teleclass “How to Find Mr. Wonderful and Keep Him.” If you’d like to hear from both of us on the components of this kind of marriage, you might wish to tune into the class, 6 Do’s and 6 Don’ts to Create a Relationship that’s Easy and Fun.” Just check out the ecourses on this site!