An assignment I just gave the participants in my current teleclass is to make a list of everything they desire in the relationship they’re looking for, as well as everything they don’t.
I based this assignment in part on the reflection of a friend of mine, veteran of two miserable marriages and two divorces. He ruefully observed that both of his wives had everything on his desired list, as well as everything he did NOT desire. Unfortunately it took him two marriages to realize this. I am hoping to save my clients the pain of learning that lesson firsthand.
If I had made such a list prior to meeting my husband David, the top of the list would have been: the man of my dreams is not addicted to watching football games. Having the drone of American football in the background of every family and social occasion was not something I desired to live with.
And here I am with the world cup playing above me, complete with those annoying kazoo-like buzzes and deafening thumps on the ceiling above me when the wrong team comes close to scoring. How does it get even better that that? What’s right about this I’m not getting?
Marrying a Brit who doesn’t even understand American football would seem to be an easy way to escape the fate of living in the shadow of American football games at every holiday.. And it was, till one fateful holiday in Portugal, when the Sky satellite news that came with our rented house was featuring the world cup. Boom! Addicted quicker than you can say, “fast break!”
So now what do I do? Get over my own point of view. I sat and shared a second cup of Sunday coffee with David. He’s a connoisseur of coffee as others are connoisseurs of wine, and drinking it together on not-too-early mornings is our ritual. Our soon-to-be 20-year-old son Arran and his cousin Tim were also sitting around with us in the living room. Truly a rare moment! Two teenagers choosing to hang out with adults! I enjoyed the rare privilege of their company as I’ve recently been informed that Arran leaves for college in Masschusetts a week earlier than I’d expected. Why do I suspect nothing will ever be the same again?
That ritual cup en famille took me five minutes into the game, at which point I got bored. I could complain–or I could take advantage of the alone time. Ninety minutes plus half time and penalty time in which I could work on my computer, or indulge in my favorite method of relaxation, reading a mystery novel. No risk of interruption, more important things were happening. How does it get even better than that?
There’s much more to be said about this assignment of what you want in your relationship and what you don’t want–but that’s a topic for another day. And the people on my call next Tuesday will be the first to know. You can join them–just go to ecourses on this site and sign right up. The information on this exercise alone is worth the $47 introductory class price.
Till later. I’ve got valuable alone time to make the most of ! How did I get so lucky this day?