My husband David and I just spent the night (just one, but we will be back) at the most romantic hotel on the coast of Costa Rica, near Manuel Antonio National Park. I decided to opt for an adventure so I clicked on the three star (in our minds it rated about 5) hotel there, and when I saw the pictures of where we were going, my jaw dropped. In the photos, wooden doors opening to a vista of tropical plants and flowers and trees, beyond which lay the Pacific Ocean.
In reality, it was even better! No other units were visible, the bed was scrumptious (that’s soft in my point of view) with high thread count sheets that were just delicious. On the bed was a heart formed from a hand towel, sprinkled with rose petals. Fresh flowers and ferns further decorated the bed. OMG!
You may be thinking, that sounds pretty romantic. I could get into that, if only I had someone to get into it with. But I haven’t found anyone to jet me away to such a spot yet…All of this could be true.
But would you like to know what romantic looks like after 27 years together? It’s NOT about giving me roses on our anniversary, or showering me with chocolates, or sacrificing himself for me in any way, or CONFORMING TO ANY OTHER NOTION I HAVE PRECONCEIVED about what romance is.
Here’s the definition from my computer’s dictionary:
A feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love; related to love especially in a sentimentalized or ideal way
From that definition which includes “mystery” how could that survive as you got to know the person? In looking for romance are you setting yourself up for the end of the relationship, because it must end as soon as the “mystery” disappears? And if you’re looking for romance, how much judgment do you have to have? Aren’t you constantly forced to evaluate whether your beloved and your relationship with him fit into your picture of what romance really is? And when he doesn’t–because, face it, NO ONE is going to fit 100% into your own personal movie–then what?
Here’s how I would describe the romance of that evening at Hotel Makanda (which I HIGHLY recommend by the way!).
We were totally enjoying being together. The beauty of the setting nourished us further. There was a sense of spaciousness within and around us in which the edges of us extended beyond us to encompass the rainforest around us, the ocean, and all of nature. There was a complete sense of peace in knowing each of us could be ourselves, whoever that self was in the moment. There was a sense of question: mostly, how could we make this even more fun? What else could we be or add? What could we do differently that would be even more exciting and/or enjoyable?
Other than encompassing the lovely nature around us, this description of romance is not dependent on any external circumstances. And we could just as easily have it in New York City sitting having a cup of coffee–it just would have lacked the wonderful bed and the beauty of nature around us. There are no formal requirements to fit into my idea of “romance”–just a feeling of space and allowance and gratitude at being together.
It is possible. You can have it. You might have to change a few points of view on what romance and relationship are, but everything in my website, my book The Little Black Book on Relationships, and my teleclasses also available on this site are designed to assist you in doing that, and even making it easy.
Did I tell you today is our 25th anniversary? (27 years together, 25 married). And David didn’t even give me roses!
But we are going out for a delicious Italian pastry and coffee before getting on the plane back “home.” How does it get even better than that?