Check out this link: It’s the unique and indescribable group Pink Martini playing Bolero.
My husband David and I went to this concert, and we were lucky enough to get seats in the fourth
row. It was quite an intimate and enlightening experience. We could read the tattoo on the back
of the beautiful singer, Storm Large.
But what’s it doing on a relationships site?
It was a great illustration of how we are affected by energy flows, whether we’re aware of it or not.
And being aware of it can dramatically increase our choices and our success at having our choices
give us what we’re really looking for.
For most of the playing of Bolero, the trumpet player, with dazzlingly clean long long hair, stood
motionless on the side of the stage. Yet without even moving or even having the light on him,
he was the sexiest and most desirable person (of the men anyway) on the stage. Why?
Because he pulled WAAY more energy than anyone else on the stage. Pulling energy equals
what we call attraction.
Think about it. Isn’t it so in your own life? How often have you been attracted to someone.
You had to have them.They were irresistible. Perhaps you even “got” them. But how long
did it last? How good was the relationship really? Was there any give and take at all, or
was it all your giving and their taking? How could that happen with such
intense attraction? Why is attraction such a poor predictor of a relationship
that’s any good in the first place, let alone that lasts?
The anwer lies in that energy pulling. We like to have our energy pulled.
If you don’t know what that feels like,
watch Angelina Jolie in The Tourist. (Beautiful movie, beautiful setting,
silly plot, who cares?) There are several scenes where she strides down the
street in Venice and Paris. She seems nonchalant, but she is pulling energy
like crazy. I am a straight woman and I wanted her! It’s been said that
Madonna could suck the chrome off a 1958 Buick still in
1958. Angelina Jolie has got her beat!
During the playing of Bolero, the trumpet player was not even in the light.
But I noticed him anyway. That’s because he pulled energy more than
anyone else on the stage.
When I detached myself from the pull of that energy that we mis-identify
as sexual attraction, I looked at the energy of all the men on the stage.
Most of them had much more kindness in
their universes and more potential for a relationship than the trumpet player.
(Now unfortunately I don’t know any of them so I’m only speaking from my
perception of the energy.) Now I’m not shopping for a relationship so this
may seem irrelevant. I’m only doing it for the research–hopefully my efforts
will be educational for you all! I’m just suggesting that you look at the energy
before you make choices about who to get in relationship with.
What we call attraction is most often the description of someone who’s adept
at pulling energy, which feels good to us. All too often, those folks are great
at pulling energy, but that’s where their relationship skill stops. Their ability
to gift to the person they’re with can often be non-existent. They live for the
feeling of your energy flowed towards them. It’s like a drug for them. When our
energy is being pulled, it’s an enjoyable feeling–I enjoyed the trumpet player.
Just don’t confuse that feeling with relationship potential if a relationship
that involves BOTH of you receiving is what you have in mind.
In case you think this is just me blethering, there’s scientific research that
backs this up. “Being in love” is chemically and neurologically quite
similar to a major mental health crisis. “Romantic attraction activates
the parts of the brain with a high concentration of receptors for dopamine
the chemical messenger related to drug addictions, cravings, and
euphoria.” (from Tara Parker-Pope’s book, For Better: the Science of a
In case you don’t see a connection between longevity of the relationship
and this “chemical attraction”–you are an incurable romantic! The
statistics show it pretty much doesn’t happen.
There is one way to keep the romance going–do something new and
exciting with your partner every week. Not just comfortable and pleasurable
but new and different. That’s why we went to Pink Martini!
Questions? Comments? I’d love to hear them. Comment here, or on my
facebook page, Relationships Made Easy.
If you like to hear about what I’ve found from research on relationships
and how it might help you find and keep love, you might wish to check
out Finding Mr.Wonderful and Keeping Him. It’s a four part series
that covers just that. You can download the first introductory class
here. The whole four part series is also for sale on this website.